A Guide:How to be Brian Cobb (abridged version)

I hear how some of you want to be just like me. I've provided below some hints on how to do so.

1. You must be tall or appear to be tall. If you are lacking in height then get some stilts or something like that. However, you must learn to be graceful (in a masculine way), light on your feet, fast, and quick. Just like me. You must be over 6'2''. Not under. Under 6'2'' is unacceptable.

2. You must have above 5 part time jobs and also be in a never ending search for a full-time job. You must be a jack of all trades. Or as I like to call it a Brian of all trades. Heres, an example of a normal day at my many jobs. In one day, I put a track on an asphalt spreader, I tamed a lion, I taught myself Italian, French, and Old English and I scooped ice cream and then I took a break for lunch and I continued on with my chores and other daily happenings.

3. You have to play bass.

4. You must be a liscensed badass. Rise above all expectations of those around you, even those who expect too much of you. To be a badass you have to kill a large animal with your bare hands in which you must eat or use every piece of that animal, you must survive in the wilderness for two weeks on nothing but your wit and your will to live, and you must achieve greatness in all of your ventures both big and small. Also you can obtain your badass liscense from many sites on the web. But beware, there are some unofficial badass liscensing sites that can get you in trouble with the law later on life.

5. You can't go to bed any earlier than 1230am on a week night and 130am on the weekend and you must hit the snooze button on your alarm at least 10 times before getting upin the morning. And when you decide to get up it must be at the very last minute before there is no possible way you can be on time for whatever you are getting up for.

6. You have to have an addiction for oreos and milk.

7. Apart from cereal and oreos you must find milk utterly disgusting and almost unbearable to drink by itself.

8. Like oreos you must be addicted to sweet tea. However, don't ever mix the 2 addictions. The outcome will alway be unsatisfactory (trust me I've tried).

9. You must never pop your collar or speak on your cell phone using the speaker phone setting. If you do this all of the above will be void and your badass liscense (if applied to and recieved) will be suspended for six months and you will lose all privalages (sp) of being a badass.





U.S. Law Code 2435667: Brian Cobb will not be held responsible for any outcomes that may follow attempting the actions stated above. Any persons that attempt the above actions will achieve Cool Points based on the outcomes and the number of actions attempted and achieved. However, Cool Points can be deducted if an action results in a failure that can be considered humorous or entertaining. Such as falling off your stilts while attempting to tame a lion or kill a moose with your bare hands. This is a document of the Brian Cobb Corpation. All right reserved. Cool Points are a product of The Cool Room and shall not be used unless permission is granted from one of the designated names on the ceiling.